Advocating for Better Mental Health for New Moms
“Postpartum mood disorders don’t discriminate.”
Jasmine felt prepared for the many facets of motherhood, but the healthcare professional, writer and podcaster was completely caught off guard when she experienced postpartum depression as a brand new mom. She shares with us the importance of mental health treatment for moms and the gentle reminder that “the best gift you can give your child is a healthy mother,” as we focus on prioritizing our care and wellbeing.
Jasmine, tell us about you:
My name is Jasmine and I am a clinical pharmacist by trade. I recently got a perinatal mental health certification (PMH-C) as well! I am a mom to one and a survivor of severe postpartum depression and anxiety. The postpartum experience really opened my eyes to how important mental health was, and so now I write about maternal mental health, parenting, and motherhood on Instagram, my blog, and my Substack newsletter to normalize it and help other moms feel less alone. Several of my writings have been featured in places like Motherly or Psyched Mommy. I also recently started a podcast with a therapist friend specifically for Asian American Pacific Islander maternal mental health stories and conversations (Healing the Tigress), so I guess I can add podcast host to my list too!
What did becoming a mom look like for you?
I always knew I wanted kids, so my husband and I planned to get a lot of our travels out of the way after getting married and then seriously start trying. In fact, my blog really started as a travel blog because I have always loved writing. But we soon found out how difficult it was to conceive. After a fruitless year of trying, seeing specialists, running tests, I was labeled with infertility. And then, it actually happened naturally before we could try any intervention! I loved my pregnancy but was very anxious about making sure to support my body to carry my baby to term since we had worked so hard to get pregnant. I was terrified of childbirth so I hired a doula to help me. While that part of the story went smoothly, the postpartum part is what blindsided me and caught me off guard.
I feel like a lot of moms going into motherhood don't understand that they are born too, and they need just as much holding and mothering as the baby. I thought I had to be the glue to hold everyone and everything together in my family, not realizing that I too was learning how to be a mother and how to recreate my new identity. When I couldn't keep that up, I felt like I was failing and my mental health crumbled. And so this idea of mothering the mother is really important to hold space and grace for new moms who have been fed this narrative that motherhood is martyrdom. It is not. And moms deserve to be taken care of too.
Being a healthcare professional myself, I thought I knew how to fight off postpartum depression and in my wildest dreams, I never thought it could happen to me. But a month into postpartum, I was severely depressed, always anxious, and thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I went through awful insomnia and hand nerve problems before giving up breastfeeding. I finally got help and saw a psychiatrist with the urging of my OB/GYN and my husband. Even as a pharmacist, I kept thinking I was too late to try antidepressants. But in the end, they really played a major role in my getting better--along with therapy. Now I understand that postpartum mood disorders don't discriminate, but they're not your fault and most definitely not a character flaw. They are diseases that you deserve treatment to get better from, just as much as any other health condition like high blood pressure or cancer.
I'm almost 5 years out and now enjoying and loving motherhood, taking the hard days with the good. But I'll never take my mental health for granted again!
What helps you enjoy the journey - especially on the hard days?
I think giving myself grace and understanding to acknowledge that I will NOT always enjoy every day is helpful to enjoying the journey. And knowing that hard days are normal--it just comes with the territory. Most moms are going through the same struggles, and knowing we're not alone can also be so comforting to feel like we're not doing something wrong.
How does Matrescence’s Mission to “mother the mother” resonate with you as a mom?
I feel like a lot of moms going into motherhood don't understand that they are born too, and they need just as much holding and mothering as the baby. I thought I had to be the glue to hold everyone and everything together in my family, not realizing that I too was learning how to be a mother and how to recreate my new identity. When I couldn't keep that up, I felt like I was failing and my mental health crumbled. And so this idea of mothering the mother is really important to hold space and grace for new moms who have been fed this narrative that motherhood is martyrdom. It is not. And moms deserve to be taken care of too.
What is your favorite part about motherhood? What is the most challenging part?
I love the journey of discovering who my child is simultaneously with realizing how my own identity is changing alongside her. In a way, she is teaching me more about myself and the person I want to be than I have ever known to be true. And I think it's beautiful that I have become (and am still becoming) the best version of myself because I have lived through the most raw and humbled version of myself in postpartum.
The most challenging part is trying to navigate motherhood without a model to follow. My parents didn't grow up with the Internet, with social media, with access to everything on an app. And my parents didn't raise us with as much openness about feelings and mental health. It can be hard trying to avoid passing down the same traumas I grew up with because I'm still realizing them as I'm going. So trying to be the generation that figures this out and cycle breaking is hard work!
What is the best advice you received about parenting and who did you get it from?
"The best gift you can give your child is a healthy mother." I am not sure where this came from, but the theme of it probably came through from one of the therapists I worked with. I think we are always trying to think about how do I do what's best for my child, how do I give my child the best of everything and be thes best mom I can be. Well, we often forget that caring for ourselves--our physical AND mental health--is the very first and most important step to giving our children the best they deserve. And I think this message reminds moms to let go of the mom guilt when you are making time for yourself. All the self work you do is also for your children!
What struggles have you encountered finding balance? How do you navigate them?
I think one of the hardest things in motherhood can be listening to your gut and what you know to be best for yourself and your family while balancing that with the typical "recommendations" and what society pressures moms to think is "best." It is very loud out there from social media, from relatives, from guidelines. It used to cause me a lot of anxiety but therapy and experience has helped me fine tune. I think with time you do gain a sense of what you feel to be right in your heart. I remind myself to tune out the noise and societal pressures, weigh the recommendations carefully, but always remember that I am capable of deciding what's best for me and my family after all the considerations.
Anything else you want us to know?
Motherhood will surely change you, but it doesn't have to consume you. You're not going to be the same person going in as you are on the other side of it. And that's okay. It's a metamorphosis into something grander.
Follow Jasmine on Instagram
Photography credits to Hannah McFall
