Taylor Louderman: On Redefining Motherhood and Embracing Matrescence

February 25, 2024

“I thought I could just “add” a baby to my life and not have to subtract anything.” Taylor Louderman thought she was prepared for what motherhood would bring, but the transformative shift had her looking at matrescence in a whole new way. The actress and mother shares how she learned to challenge the notion that moms could have it all, gave herself grace in the process, and embraced the importance of slowing down.

Taylor, tell us about you:

I am the oldest of 5 girls and grew up in a very small town outside of St. Louis, Missouri. I’ve done a few Broadway shows, a couple of television shows, started a nonprofit, married a wonderful guy and now I’m a mom!

What did becoming a mom look like for you?

I have a great role model in my mother. I was 12 when my youngest sisters were born, twins (vacation souvenirs). She made it look easy. So I was very excited and (I thought) prepared for this new “role”. I read the books, taught my social media to feed me mom content, and talked with a girlfriend who’d become a mom before me. I’m still not sure how I was comfortable performing live in front of thousands of people but scared to death of pregnancy and childbirth. I was an anxious pregnant woman. Because of this, I don’t think I thought much past the delivery, which proved to be pretty average. So once the baby arrived I was in over my head.

How does Matrescence’s Mission to “mother the mother” resonate with you as a mom?

Looking back, I was shocked by the transformative shift in my life once a small human was depending on me. I had bought into the concept that modern women can have it all. I thought I could just “add” a baby to my life and not have to subtract anything. There were (still are) times I felt guilty for wanting help or feeling overwhelmed. I thought I needed to fortify my mental resilience and worried that “good mothers” would never feel this way. Naturally, I went online to self-diagnose myself as a monster and learned women CAN do it all if they are able to - and want to - pay for help. I learned that I needed to be okay with slowing down. I also found research on postnatal customs around the world: there are so many rituals where family or community envelops the mother, aiding her as she learns to take care of her new baby. So I uncovered a lot of opportunities for our society to rebuild the “village” — even in our super-connected world, motherhood kind of exists in this void. To hear this mission makes me feel seen and hopeful for future moms out there. It means so much.

What is your favorite part of being a mom? What do you think is the most challenging?

I have a lot of favorite parts. One part that surprised me is how in awe I am of life and the human body! Women’s bodies are incredible (why didn’t we learn this in school?) and the experience of life is so vastly different now as a mom which amazes me. For the most challenging part see above, but also... Juggling the supply and demand of being a sleepless milk factory. I underestimated this. My baby would only breastfeed about once a week, so I preyed on that ounce of hope like a persistent young actor. It left me heartbroken over and over again. I felt like we were broken and spent hours with the lactation consultant. I eventually pumped until he was 6 months old.

What is the best thing you learned about parenting and who did you learn it from?

Well, there are plenty of moments when my child smiles at me, learns something new, or is just generally happy that certainly makes every challenge worthwhile; but when I hit a speed bump I try to remember all of the older adults in my life who have said “how fast it goes”. They all say the same thing so I am almost certain I will echo that sentiment one day. I want my memories to be colored with joy.

What struggles have you encountered finding balance and how do you navigate them?

I felt a lot of guilt acknowledging that for me to strike a better balance for myself, I needed to send my kiddo to daycare a couple of days a week. He goes from 9am - 3pm, twice a week. I think about having another child and how I’ll need to deal with this all over again so ironing out my beliefs surrounding motherhood and asking for help will be super valuable — I’ll likely have to pay for that too (a therapist). :)